Observations

Joining Sarah and Vashti in attempting to write 10 observations a week based off an assignment by poet Mary Howe.

11/18/2024: The distinct smells of bus, both exterior and interior.

10/31/2024: Again with the sweet treats at the office. Cookies, brownies, donuts. I get that it's festive. I don't care. I don't want them. The mere sight of them disgusts me at this point. Yes, complaining about free food and being irritated that grown adults get excited for mediocre cupcakes makes me the asshole. Don't worry, I won't express it to them. Now if someone placed a bucket of fried chicken in the break room that'd be a whole different story. Or even just a fucking potato chip. Where is the fucking salt!!!

I could really change the name/purpose of this page to 'complaints about work.'

Okay, here's a nice one. Mexican coke is good as fuck. But you already knew that.

10/25/2024: At risk of sounding narcissistic, I've noticed hardly anyone is as good as I am at striking the balance between doing enough work well enough that you are trusted and well-regarded in the workplace, thus keeping your position secure and generally avoiding the irritation of being corrected or scolded, and taking back as much time as possible at work for yourself, knowing exactly which rules to bend or break and which to follow, without drawing attention or becoming a nuisance to coworkers trying to get through the day same as you. Maintaining this balance is one of my foremost mental processes and is crucial to my survival.

I find that others usually estimate they have to do more than they truly need and cause themselves undue stress. It just never occurs to them that the level of effort they're putting in has never been necessary in our work context. I cannot relate to these people. It's not even workaholism, it's just a matter of not understanding the rules of the game, or that there even is a game.

Then there's the other side of the coin, the people who want to do as little work as is required at their job, or even less than that. I understand these people better, and I tend to bond with them as we can share in our resentment of the system that forces us to show up so we don't get evicted or starve. I notice that others tend not to have the balance down as well as I do. To my eye, they aren't as keen on which rules and expectations are the important ones. They want to be able to shirk them all in equal measure, which makes them a nuisance for ME. YES it's fun and good to just play on your phone at your desk. I endorse it, I do it myself. But knowing WHEN and HOW to do it is often lost on these people.

This observation has devolved into me just explaining how I think I'm better than other people. To be fair, i did warn about the narcissism. In this moment I choose to allow myself to be seen indulging in this dark impulse.

On that note, a balance I don't believe I've yet mastered is knowing when it is appropriate to express my shadowier qualities and when I should silence them and tap into my higher self.

I'm writing this because I'm irritated at a coworker (who I like by the way) for suggesting to my other coworker who needed to stop home during their lunch break to grab something to just not come back because there might be traffic because Donald Trump is currently in my city and the boss is out today after all so there's no one to say no or even notice. Why would you suggest something on someone ELSE'S behalf because you're worried about traffic you neither know exists nor will have to experience? I'm fucked at work now due to PROJECTED, secondhand traffic anxiety. What are we doing here? I could harldy respond when this weird misguided altruism was presented to me something I would natrually enthusiastically endorse. I need everyone to get it together. I'd be way less irritated if the coworker who was stopping home had just decided to stay home themself.

I would love to someday write a manifesto on my work philosophy.

10/23/2024: Something shifted and I'm finally reading again. Remembering that just 15 minutes of reading a real book is infinitely more enriching and informative than months worth of tiktok doomscrolling. O the time I've wasted. I could've been getting smarter this whole time.

Being shown a "funny" video by a coworker is equivalent to being held at gunpoint.

10/22/2024: Night Fever by The Bee Gees blasting from a shop onto the street during my lunch break. Always makes me think of The 10th Kingdom. Everyone should watch The 10th Kingdom.