Fuck it, I got paid. i'm going shopping on my lunch break. Shopping online has not been yielding me the results I crave. I desperately need both clothes for everyday and clothes for events and clothes for the club. I have so many shopping fails in my closet which makes me upset because they take up so much space but they're not junk enough to get rid of easily. I'm hoping to find a nice dress or skirt or top or really just anything that catches my eye. The jeans I've been wearing I suddenly hate. I don't know what kind of jeans to get next. Where do grown sexy women shop for high quality, interesting clothing that doesnt cost a billion dollars? If any of you are reading this PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I'm thinking like the price range of Jaded London but perhaps not quiteeee so trendy?

One of those pink mini skirts I ordered came in and it was way too big, so that was a bust. Apparently the other one came in today so i'll find out when I get home if I'm two for two on pink mini failures. I NEED A CLOSET I CAN USSSEEEEEE i feel like I'm drowning it should nottt be this serious.

My birthday is a little over a month away and I have nothing to wear! It's time to start shopping for a dress and thinking about what I want to do! I get stressed about the pressure of birthdays. I want it to be cute but lowkey. A beautiful dress, a couple friends, a pretty cake and some fun pics. Or maybe just the most intimate of intimate dinners.

It's time I start investing in myself. I've been in this place of buying mostly just the cheapest thing I can that somewhat feels like the vibe of something I might want. But what I really would like to start doing is getting deeply in touch with the things that I want and hunting for them thoughtfully and intentionally and buying high-quality items that I know I will love and wear for years to come. So what I'm saying is i'm willing to drop a little more cash than i have in the past to buy a dress i really love for my birthday as a gift to myself. I love to justify a purchase, don't i?

Really hoping to find something secondhand as that's how I get most of my clothes but I'm open to buying new if I know I truly love it and will wear it forever.

Recently I've been doing some ebay/poshmark shopping. I bought a cute vintage brown fitted boat neck top with a floral applique (i love that it's on current trend but vintage so has a more timeless quality than a new item doing the floral applique trend), a pink vintage pinstripe mini skirt and then another vintage pink mini skirt with a detailed scalloped hem and a cute floral motif. Maybe 2 pink mini skirts is a little silly. But they were cheap and i wanted them.

What i really truly need is a nice large leather tote bag I can carry all my things in to work, like the contents of my purse, makeup bag, journals pens planners and whatever book(s) I'm reading. Been scouring ebay and found a few things that would work well enough but i'm trying to hold out until I fall in love for the right price.

I've been a short natural nail girly for a really long time now but decided to experiment with some long press ons and while they are a bit of a hindrance I really like them and think i will start incorporating long nails into my beauty routine when I want to look extra nice. Really trying to take better care of and put more effort into myself which i hope in turn primes me to put more effort into others.

Saw Poor Things this weekend at the theater (this just reminded me i need to do a film diary entry) and am super inspired by the fashion in it. Bella wears giant sleeves and short little flowy skirts. I want to try to emulate that in my own style somehow. i do have an exaggerated puff sleeve top in black. i wish it was in a fun color! I need to play around.

Been wearing the hell out of my black platform mini uggs. I can't get enough. I need some beautiful mary janes and some patent or leather ballet flats. I do have my miu miu flats but I fear they are a half size small and make my legs look dumb. I've had them for years but now I never take them out. I kinda messed them up a little. Some water staining and some tears in the leather. Whoopssss. If i can find a good way to style them I can still wear. Perhaps with a stirrup sock so they don't take up more space in the shoe and adds more weight to the lower leg? Man, not to be annoying but when I got those damn miu miu flats in 2021 after coveting them for months I didn't see ANYONE who wanted them. I even searched twitter for miu miu flats and it was quiet. No conversation at all. Maybe a year after they blew up and went viral, even though miu miu had been making them for years. It's silly to care that people might think i'm jumping on a viral bandwagon that has now past. But i care. I'm gonna try to get over that. But really i want some flats with a bit of a heel. Perhaps a mary jane. Cute ones are really hard to come by right now for a decent price. I had some I got in college and wore them recently for the first time in years and they broke. Tragic. I really want the Sandy Liang mary jane ballet flats but that feels like a pipe dream. But perhaps if i save i could make it a reality?

But seriously. Why must everything be labeled and branded. Not to again be like "i'm so ahead of the curve" but like,, cunty office girly has been my vibe for a lonnng time now. To the point i literally got an office job to further flesh it out and now? office siren bayonetta are the current buzzwords (in fact i think the fatigue is probably already setting in) and it does irritate me. We don't have to classify eveything and run it into thr ground. My very fashion-forward bestie has been rocking those "bayonetta" *eyeroll* glasses for ages now. Now they want to run "mob wife" into the ground. That's been my good friend's thing for a good while and now they're going to make it annoying. We will all persevere through these trying times. We will stand firm in our identities and weather these storms. I don't know where I'm going with this. maybe nowhere.

Back at work. Time to continue this utter dump of everything significant i can think of having worn in my life. If you're reading this and you're not me, why?

Anyway. Back to the hot pink corduroy skinnies. Slay of the century in my opinion. That was about when i started getting my favorite backhanded compliment: "ok start that trend!" Like actually don't mind if i do? I became very interested in fun pants from that point forward.

For 8th grade I moved states and therefore schools and took the opportunity to reinvent myself a bit. i didn't really make any interesting choices at this time clothingwise, though. I was really just on my emo-adjacent fitted graphic tees. The emphasis was really on my by that point insane collection of converse. I can't even remember all the pairs I had there were so many.

I think it's time i spent some time focusing on that shoe collection.

i had some purple high tops which i lovved and tbh would like to have to this day a white pair of polka dotted low-tops with ladybugs on them (a fave), another pair of low-tops with brown outer and a light pink tongue reminiscent of a neapolitan ice cream, the aforementioned black pair with the neon layers, another layered pair that were SUPER cool: the outer layer was purple low-top and the inner layer and tongue were this fabulous green and purple plaid. i got so many compliments on those. I also had a pair of crisp white extra high tops that came way up the calf and could be folded down into more of an ankle boot and it had the converse logo inside upside down so that when you folded it down the logo would be properly visible. I think i also had a pair of plaid low-tops. then to top it all off i did have a pair of knee-highs. But not just regular knee-highs. they were a grey and fuschia tweed with black and fuschia laces with black rubber and fuschia stripes. I have to say i was slaying baddddd.

For the beginning of 9th grade i got this pair of shimmery teal ones. This is the only pic here that is my own, taken in 2011 and posted to my instagram, complete with a filter that was completely mandatory for the time.

A few other notable pairs were some green low top dainty thin ones I had in 10th grade (i was the only person i ever knew who ever got the thin ones), along with a customized pair of pink high tops with a purple floral tongue and orange laces. i went on to have a pair of grey high tops for my junior year, but by this point I had stopped wearing only converse and started wearing other shoes. Mostly variations of the ballet flat. i'll have to get into that later on. The very last pair of converse I ever got were clear plastic low-tops my freshman year of college which i wore into the ground. Today I currently own zero pairs of converse. Perhaps I should get some?

Wow. Writing this was a great way to kill a good 2 hours at work. That's what it's all about!

If i counted right I discussed 12 pairs of converse in this entry. These are just the ones I remember! I wonder which ones I could be forgetting. I can't believe how fortunate i was to have such an insane collection.

Had to stop writing abruptly yesterday. Gonna just pick up where I left off. I think if i get all i can out about my past fashion experiences I can set them free to make room for brand new inspiration while still being able to refer back here if I want to reference myself.

ANYWAY. The Got Chucks shirt... the height of fashion. My middle school made us wear a bland uniform of a white or navy polo shirt along with navy, khaki, or dark wash denim pants. The only time of day we were allowed to wear anything else was in P.E., where we could change into a t shirt and baggy basketball shorts which were ALL the rage at the time. I used this opportunity every day to wear that damn Got Chucks shirt. I did also have a couple other shirts in the rotation: 2 fitted graphic tees from Aeropostale, which was very popular, and similar to abercrombie which was the true height of fashion but significantly more affordable. The rich baddies in middle school had abercrombie polo shirts which fit the absolute cutest. The baddies on a budget wore the aeropostale ones that said a87 on the breast. I had one or 2 of the aero but mostly i got plain ones from jc penney. ANYWAY the chucks shirt. I wore it every day to P.E. And i loved it so much when there was a school dance, I wore it again to the dance.. That memory haunts me. Why was i wearing my gym clothes that everyone had already seen every damn day to the DANCE? it was because I couldn't fathom looking better in any other shirt. With it i wore a necklace with a little girly skull wearing a bow on it.

Meandering back to maybe like 2nd grade an outfit I'm vividly remembering is a BRIGHT hot pink t shirt with neon green cap sleeves. I remember wearing it on a small trip to miami with a pair of dark wash cuffed capri jeans and matching pink and green foam flip flops which i think had flowers on them? Idk but i was obsessed witht the pink/green color combo and I think I still am.

7th grade was a moment where I started to experiment with hair accessories. namely a giant neon green bow clip i would wear in my long side-parted hair. it was all i had to spice up that uniform. On my birthday that year I wore a tiara from claire's. A kid named Wally asked me why I was wearing it. I said "duh it's my birthday?" and he said "i don't know, you're always wearing silly things in your hair." I took offense at the time but now I think that just proves I was lowkey iconic.

I also started experimenting with bolder fashion in the 7th grade. It was 2009 so neon was kinda huge. i was utterly obsessed with Lady Gaga's The Fame and Fame Monster albums. I have a vivid memory of getting out of the car with my bestie at the time to go to the school dance that year. We got out of the car, she looked me up and down and said "You look SO good." I felt it! The outfit: a navy and white thick horizontal striped polo shirt, skin tight neon pink corduroy skinny jeans, and a pair of black high top converse that had multiple neon colored layers underneath the black. I did indeed look SO good.

Alright I twisted my own arm it's time to start writing. I've always been pretty interested in fashion, at the very least to the extent that I knew that clothing was an important way to set myself apart from others and to feel the most confident. I want to start here by exploring my relationship to fashion through the years.

My earliest memories of being aware of how I looked in my clothes was in kindergarten feeling ugly in the little pastel pink and lavender short-sleeved high-necked sweater that was put on me for picture day. I actually think that shirt is adorable now but there was something about the color and the neckline that made me feel frumpy. In the 4th grade i went on a cruise and i wore the following outfit: brown flowy gaucho pants (you know, the ones that had us all in a chokehold circa 2007) with a matching little hooded vest over a brown and white striped tank top. I don't remember the shoes. But i remember feeling cute as hell. A lady on the boat told me she LOVED my outfit and I took the compliment and felt I deserved it.

As a young (undiagnosed) autist, if i felt confident in an outfit I would wear it as often as possible, to the point that it was conspicious and frankly embarassing. I believe it was also 4th grade (maybe it was 5th?) where I was gifted a baby blue kiddie velour pajama set (it looked like a track suit but it was definitely pajamas). They were speckled with white stars. I could not have felt more comfortable or attractive. I remember throwing on some blue dangly claires earrings and a lipgloss the color of my skin that made my lips disappear. As I got out of my mom's car to go to school we together acknowledged how absolutely fabulous I looked. Looking back, it's really cool that my mom encouraged me in that way. I really appreciate that.

My favorite outfit in the 5th grade was this fitted black knit cap sleeve sweater. A product of its time, it was a v neck that simulated a camisole underneath to offset the v shape. I would wear it with a blue plaid mini-ish skirt with black leggings that came down to just under the knees. Please, it was the vibe at the time. I'd wear it with my very first pair of black converse low tops I begged for for my 11th birthday, for which I was graciously obliged. When i wore this outfit I would keep it on as long as possible. I probably wouldn't have showered the day I wore it because I didn't want to wash off how beautiful i thought I looked in the outfit. I even wore it with a witch hat for halloween at the skating rink. I guess that was my kiddie proto-sexy outfit with ears or a hat passing as a costume moment.

In the 6th grade i started trying to lean emo. i never really got the resources to become the emo I dreamed of being but I did get side bangs a-la demi lovato don't forget album cover, a pair of skinny jeans in one of their earliest iterations courtesy of my bestie to this day Sophia who was ALWAYS ahead of her time fashionwise, my converse, and an extremely cringe black fitted graphic t shirt that I thought was the key to my beauty. I had become obsessed with Converse as a brand. Everyone was wearing converse, they were super popular. It was 2008 like what do you expect. But i LOVED converse and felt i was engaging with them in a deeper way than everyone else. The shirt was black and had "got chucks?" plastered across the front. i thought that was the sickest cleverest shit in the world. I cringgge but I was just a kid.